Twenty-Twelve.

It's that time of year again, December 31st; the eve of New Years. I bet everyone is either at the liquor store trying to stock up on alcohol, planning out their new years outfit, or thinking of a resolution for 2012. I myself am reflecting on the year. There were many many ups and downs but hey, I'm still alive. The year went by so fast, I don't even know how we're already here again, in December.. with the New Year just around the corner. I feel like every day seems the same but looking back, so much has changed. Weird right? It's hard to pinpoint just one event that made the year. I've met new friends, grown distant to a few and even stopped talking to a couple. But that's what every year is about right? Learning, growing, living, and more learning. I'm not sure if I've changed that much but I have learned quite a few things. Friends come and go, relationships change, people grow, you can't please every one, some people just don't matter, you deserve to be happy, and life is hard (sometimes unbearable). I remember what I was doing last year on New Years, it seems like it was just yesterday. How did a year go by so fast?

Who Would Have Known

Today, was probably the worst day I've had in a while.

Miss You More.

Do you miss me yet?
Do you wonder about me?
Are you thinking about me at this very instant?
If I could turn back time, I'd find a way to your heart
And never let you go.
Love you so hard,
that you could never let me go.
Fall in love with you over and over.
Sleep in your arms.

You're afraid of falling in love.
You've been hurt too much before.
You're barely put together.
You're taped and glued.

I want to be there for you.
I want to relieve you of pain;
of heartache.
I want to be the one you call,
in the middle of the night,
just to talk.

You're afraid of being hurt..again.
You're tired of the lies.
You're tired of the deceit.
You're broken.

I can be there for you.
I will be there for you.
I will love you until the end of time.
I will always be there for you.
Because I will always miss you more.

Questions.

Something in me changed today. I don't know what to think of it. I feel as if I either need to repair broken bridges or continue to let them burn. All the people of the past are in the past.. but sometimes I can't help but think what it'd be like if they were in my present. Maybe you should have tried harder. Maybe I should have tried harder. I really don't know. I hope that one day we can be friends again. Who knows if that day will ever come. I miss you sometimes and the way we used to be. All the fun times and secrets we held.. Will they be lost forever? I miss you.. I guess I do. There's no denying that. I miss how we USED to be.. but really? How can we go back to that now? Too much time has passed.. we are all different people now.. and what if I don't like who you are now? It seems as if you've lost everyone you used to be close to.. or at least in my opinion you have. I've lost a few people along the way as well.. but like I've always said; everything happens for a reason.

Christmas.

Sometimes we forget that Christmas is not just another holiday. It's not just about presents and eating big Christmas dinners. It's not even just about spending time with family and loved ones. It's about God. Today, I went to church for the midnight mass. It's been a while since I've last been. The priest talked about remembering to stay in touch with God and believing in what he stands for. He told us that we were all born into this world to live whereas Jesus was born, ready to die. It was a time for me to reflect on the year, to re-evaluate my choices, think about my decisions and wonder about what's to come. During the times when life is crazy, hectic, absurd, harsh, and just stressful, I know that God will always be there; to help me through it all. So while you are all opening your presents and feasting away, don't forget to give thanks to whomever it may be that you believe (or don't believe in). It could be anyone; A friend, parent, teacher, lover, sibling, other god. As for me, I'm wishing Jesus a happy birthday and all of you a Merry Christmas.

Sleaze.

It's been a very busy three days. I feel so drained.. but in a good way. I'd rather be drained because of fun than because of school. Today is Christmas eve which makes tomorrow Christmas. This year went by so fast.. it doesn't even feel like December! There's no snow whatsoever. I guess I won't be getting my Christmas wish.. Oh well, maybe next year. I have so many things to write about but I'm so incredibly lazy right now. I just want to catch up on all the sleep that I've been deprived of, eat and get fat.

My Girls!

Today, I got to see my girlfriends from high school. Some of which I haven't seen in a whileee. We only get together once or twice a year (if we're lucky) and we always have so much fun. It was just a night full of laughter, stories, and games. I'm really blessed to have such good friends. I wish all our schedules weren't so different. I'd love to see them more. I am pooped.

Phew.

Yay, I'm finally done exams! Now I have a busy (rest of) week of Secret Santa/Christmas parties to attend. I'm so excited to see my girlfriends from high school and my bff (haven't seen them in so long!) We have a lot to catch up on. I should probably catch up on all the sleep that I've been deprived of for the past few weeks too. I don't want to pass out tomorrow!

One. More.

Tomorrow is my last exam. In approximately 13 hours I will be free of fall semester! I know I should probably study but I've reached that point where I don't care. I just want to get it over with. This is probably because I had an exam today that was worth 60% and I pretty much bombed it.. and tomorrows exam is only worth 25% which just seems so petty. I'm sleepy and my head hurts. I just want to sleep :( I can't wait for freedom!

Bothered.

One of the things I hate the most is being taken advantage of. You may not realize it, but I've lost so much respect for you.

Falalalala

Hello and happy holidays! It's been a stressful few days as I had two exams back to back. At least now I've gotten my written exams out of the way. I have three more in the upcoming week and a half and then it's christmas break! I can't wait. I should probably start studying for them instead of waiting til the last minute again.. I know I tell myself it's bad and I tell myself not to procrastinate but sadly, I can't help it! I swear I have no self control.. Anywho, I'm excited for Monday because I get to see one of my favourite friends as we're going christmas shopping! No, I haven't started and neither do I know what to get anyone! I hate shopping for other people. I wish people could just tell me what they wanted and if they say nothing it's complete bull-.. So do your friends a favour, and ask for something! ANYTHING.. It would help out all of us that hate shopping for people. (:

The Things I do.

I know that sometimes I can be.. overwhelming
I can be cruel
I can be mean
I can cause you to be angry
frustrated
upset
annoyed
irritated.
I know that I can be troublesome
causing problems
blowing things out of proportion
just to push your buttons.
But with all the bad things I do
I hope that I do the opposite
I hope I make you happy
smile
laugh.
I hope you find that the pros outweigh the cons
I hope you'll be able to put up with me
I promise to work on myself
to keep working at it.
Please
be patient with me.
I don't know if it'll be worth it in the end
If I'll be worth it..
I can't promise it will be
but I can promise
I'd give you all I could.

Bucketlist.

I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic.. and here are a few dates I hope I will one day be able to go on.

1. Picnic (basket, red checkerboard cloth and all)
2. Drive somewhere secluded to watch the sunrise
3. Spend the whole day in bed, cuddling.
4. Get caught in the rain and have to find shelter in a nearby cafe.
5. Watch a movie at a drive-in
6. Stargaze
7. Go to an aquarium
8. Go mini golfing
9. Paint pottery
10. Have a candlelight dinner somewhere (rooftop?) with lanterns and lights hanging
11. Go apple/strawberry picking
12. Go on a road trip
13. Get lost in a new city
14. Go to the ballet
15. Ride in a hot air balloon
16. Go to a cheesecake factory
17. Wine taste
18. Find a place where we can watch planes take off (lying on grass or something)
19. Build a fort out of sheets
20. Go ice skating and hold hands
21. Assemble a puzzle
22. Go to a yoga class together
23. Play video games
24. Play board games
25. Watch fireworks
26. Take a long walk on the beach.. in winter
27. Go for a drive with no destination in mind.
28. Go to the falls
29. Ride a Ferris wheel
30. Go to the zoo

?

It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. You and I (we?) just exist.

Take a Chance on Me.

You're so scared to fall in love
Cuz you end up in the dust
Every time every time...

Now you see us all the same
Like our words are just a game
Spitting lies, dirty lies

I know you know
There's something here
But you cannot get past the fear
I can help you make it clear...

So when you feel like trying again
Reach out, take my hand
So how great it could be
To fall in love with someone you can trust

Who would never give up
Cuz you're all that he needs
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh oh

You give 100% but you've never seen a cent
They're so blind, they're so blind
Cuz i'm looking at your face
And the world's a better place
In your eyes, lovely eyes

I know you know
There's something here
But you cannot get past the fear
I can help you make it clear...

So when you feel like trying again
Reach out, take my hand
So how great it could be
To fall in love with someone you can trust

Who would never give up
Cuz you're all that he needs
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh oh

You got nothing to lose baby,
But you won't know if you don't try
Please don't leave me asking why
So when you're ready to choose baby
I'll be here with open arms
With the same in love in my heart

So when you feel like trying again
Reach out, take my hand
So how great it could be
To fall in love with someone you can trust

Who would never give up
Cuz you're all that he needs
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh oh


Read more: JLS - TAKE A CHANCE ON ME LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/take-a-chance-on-me-lyrics-jls.html#ixzz1f7G9WQXU
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Social Networkless.. sort of.

So, I've been trying to focus on my final assignments for the past few days.. in keeping with this idea, I've been trying to cut out the use of social networking sites (mainly facebook and twitter). Okay, I've sort of been cheating because I still open them and check my news feed/timeline but I've been trying super hard not to post anything so people will think that I haven't been using them.. but in actuality I have been lurking secretly.. haha. I'm starting to slowly go crazy.. since there are things that I want to post.. like one liners that I really can't post here.. because I think it'd be pointless.. just like random thoughts that run through my head.. I want to be able to post on twitter.. but I can't. I need to wait until after Dec 1! So, I guess I'll just post a few random thoughts that I would have tweeted if I were to be using twitter..

I'm gonna be late
I wish I could drive
I'm hungry
My hands are cold
Why is it so cold out?
I'm thirsty
Where's the bus?
I miss you
My heart is racing..
Ugh, I'm so frustratedddd

Hmm.. maybe I should try and keep track of every single thought that runs through my mind in a given day and see how that goes.. I'll think about it. Anyways, I should probably get back to my assignment.

Go on.

You can do it. You can. Go on, Love.

Slippery Slope

In this game that we call love, it is a slippery one. One false move; and it's game over. And the thing is, once you get going, gravity continues to pull you down, speeding up, causing you to continue to fall, at increasing speeds, until eventually.. you are stopped by an opposing force. Be careful and good luck.

What if..

Wouldn't it be nice if you could just flip a switch in you that determined who you liked, who you didn't, who you loved, and who you didn't? Wouldn't it make life simpler if you could force yourself to like/love whomever you willed yourself to like/love? There would be no such thing as disappointment, heartbreak, pain.. you could just simply "turn it off". Turn off your feelings for someone unattainable and turn them on for someone else. Although, this idea seems nice.. it's a selfish thought. It's the avoidance of pain. It's the avoidance of heartbreak. It doesn't allow you to genuinely feel. If there was such a thing as "a switch", I would be tempted to turn it on and off but I'm glad that I'm not faced with that temptation. I want to be able to feel..everything. The heartbreak, the pain, the loss, the grief, the bad, and the rock bottoms. By being able to feel these things, I'm able to also feel the opposite; love, pleasure, hope, good, and pure bliss. I don't want to fall in love with someone because I have to force myself. I want it to be effortless. I want to wake up one day and realize that I've fallen in love with him. I want to be head over heels in love; not the mediocre oh, I think I might love him kind of love. I want it all. So no, I would not have it any other way. I want to feel.

GOLD!

I finally got my Starbucks gold card today.. or rather, it came yesterday and my sister did not bother to tell me! I woke up today and to my pleasant surprise, found it on my desk. It is just so beautiful! I cannot wait to use it (: Some pictures for you..

less than three.

#Fatblog

Sushi, fro-yo, sweet potato fries, steak, curly fries, macarons, wings, cheesecake, red velvet cupcakes, green tea ice cream.. mmmm. I seriously need to satisfy all these cravings! ASAP. I am a starving university student..

Relax.

One of my favourite things to do is to light a candle and just cuddle up in bed. I find it so relaxing; just to breathe in the nice, enticing scents of whatever candle I happen to be burning. There's just something so therapeutic about it..

Coming out of my shell.

I had a busy weekend this week! Friday was spent with my sister grocery shopping and eating sushi. Saturday was spent with friends, celebrating a belated birthday, and more sushi. And today, was spent going to work then Jack Astors for dinner and watching Breaking Dawn to end the night. I've missed hanging out with friends, socializing, laughing, having fun. I'm glad I got to venture out, even if it was only for a little while. But, it's back to reality tomorrow.. and with that, I leave to sleep, to dream, and leave tomorrows worries for tomorrow. Good night!

Wanderlust.

I need to get away. I feel super stressed and it's really starting to take a toll on me. I really wish I could just get up, pack my things, hop on a plane and go.

I hope..

I hope that you find love. I hope that love finds you. I hope that you can be happy; genuinely happy. I hope that you will find a way to love again. I hope that you will find someone that loves you for who you are. I hope that you can move on. I hope that you will move on. You deserve beautiful things. You deserve a beautiful life. One full of love, happiness, and joy. You deserve to be able to smile every day; laugh wholeheartedly; play. I'll miss you but know, this is for your own good. Be free. Find love elsewhere because I can't be the one to give it to you. At least not here, not now. Maybe in a few years, maybe never.. maybe in the next lifetime.

For her..

Gaze deeply into her eyes, she'll feel nervous.
Smile at her, she'll smile back.
Reach for her hand, she won't pull away.
Intertwine your fingers with hers, she'll stay.
Lean in closer, tell her you have a secret for her.
Ask her to come closer, she'll move forward.
Slowly, reach for her face.
Tuck the stray hairs that have fallen, behind her ear.
Smile.
She'll melt.
Trace your fingers along her jawline, toward her chin;
Stop.
Lean in closer, she will follow you.
Closer.. closer..
Guide her lips toward yours.
Whisper "I love you"
And leave with a soft, gentle kiss.

After 6 months of Searching..

I finally got a new laptop! I've been looking for one since early this year.. April/May-ish. So that means it took me 6 months to commit to a laptop.. I honestly don't know why it took so long.. super picky I guess. This one has pretty much everything I've been looking for so ya.. I was tired from studying on Saturday night, so I decided to check the Best Buy website. To my surprise, there was this laptop and I thought about it for literally 5 seconds before adding to cart. Then again.. I spent the next half hour or so contemplating whether or not this was really the one I wanted. Well, I have it now, and have since organized everything to my liking.. so it better not crash on me anytime soon. So overall, I am super happy with my purchase! Oh.. there is one thing I'd like to rant about though. Canada Post was the one to deliver my package and instead of waiting for me to answer the door and asking me to sign (like the package directed the person to do).. he rang my doorbell and left my package at my front door.. HE LEFT IT THERE! What if I had not been home? Someone could have stolen my precious laptop and then what? I hope he was just running behind schedule and really needed to make up for lost time. But seriously.. who leaves a laptop at the front door.. sometimes they don't even leave my clothes packages!

How?

Don't you hate when you're dying to ask someone something but you don't know how to ask it? How to phrase it? How to bring it up? That's how I feel. I don't know how to bring up a question that is just itching to get out. I feel like it could tear me apart..

Stressed.

It's been a very stressful.. month or so. Yes, it has been a stressful MONTH or so..and it's going to continue. I really should learn how to balance all my school work. Even when I try to keep up with readings, I always end up falling behind. Today, I had a midterm and it was brutal. Looks like I'll be studying super hard for that final.. Who would have thought that my super adorable prof. could be so evil? :( Anyway, I can't wait until after 5 on Monday.. I get a little bit of a breather, I guess.. but then I have another assignment due that Thursday and a midterm on the following Monday.. It just NEVER ends! I just need to take it day by day and just try to breathe. Sometimes, I forget and end up gasping for air.

Exhausting.

School has been super hectic. Assignments; left, right and centre. Midterms.. yes, I STILL have midterms.. three more to go actually.. By the time I get all my midterms done and out of the way, it's going to be finals. It just NEVER ends. I miss elementary school. Anyway, I'm just trying to cope as best as possible. I'm trying to take it day by day; it seems to be working so far. I can not WAIT for winter break! I miss all my friends. Seems like I don't have any time to breatheee. I just want to cuddle up in bed with a cup of hot cocoa or do something FUN for once! I want to go out without worries of what I have to accomplish for the week. So drained. Oh, I should probably also learn to sleep earlier.. goodnight (:

Fragile?

Looking at her now, you move her hair from her face.
You brush your fingers softly against her cheek.
You're afraid of hurting her.
You're afraid of letting her out of your sight.
She seems so vulnerable,
so weak.
Every movement she makes,
makes you cringe.
You fear that she'll break; any second now,
and shatter into a million pieces.
You keep a close eye on her.
Because she's "fragile".

You are enough.

When you look at yourself,
when you look around,
when you feel like you're not worth anything,
like you're worthless,
remember that there are others who feel the same way;
others that are going through the same thing.
There will always be someone prettier.
There will always be someone smarter.
But that doesn't matter.
You are you and no one else can be you.
So stop comparing yourself to others.
Everyone has their own struggles;
You don't know their story.
You have no right to judge a person,
You have no right to be judged.
You are brilliant.
And wonderful.
And amazing.
And kind.
And have a beautiful soul.
So stop worrying about what every one else thinks.
You are enough.

That feeling..

It's been a while since I've felt this way. I can actually feel you slipping away. You aren't even mine to call mine and yet I can't shake this feeling. It's the feeling you get when you start to lose hope; when you start to question if there is even anything there; if there was anything to begin with. I think the problem with me is that I put effort into one person and then keep putting that effort even when it's not reciprocated. I need a huge flashing sign that tells me when it's time to stop.. I really do. I think I'm starting to reach that point, where I can't be that girl that just waits around. Every time you mention someone else, I get a tinge of jealousy. How can I be jealous of someone else with you, it's just not right; you're not mine. I've spent too much time waiting around. I'm kind of tired of chasing.

Feeling Philosophical.

I'm taking a course called happiness and freedom this semester. I thought it would help me look through life in a different perspective than I have.. and for the first couple of weeks, it wasn't what I expected. The only good thing about my late night class is that I get to ogle at my cute professor. I do not feel happy or free in that class; rather I feel sad and trapped. What's worse is that it's in the dungeon so it adds about 100 points to the depressingness of it :( Today however, we talked about promises. We talked about keeping promises and to break one would be wrong. I mean, I kind of knew that already.. like come on, what would be the point of making a promise if you had no intentions of keeping it. I know that there are certain circumstances that are beyond ones control that might cause someone to break their promise but even that is bad according to the view we were analyzing. So why make promises at all? Why make promises that even if they were not your fault that they were broken, they are still bad? Why would you risk that? I guess then promises should be used sparingly and you should know the limit to what you can promise. So, remember that the next time you intend on making a promise. Promises are not meant to be broken. I'm not even sure if this post makes sense.. I think I'm just rambling because I want to have something to say. I've kind of lost my words..

Forgive me.

School has been really demanding. The workload keeps piling and piling. I don't have time for friends. I don't even have time for family. My days consist of eat, sleep, breathe (try to breathe) and school. My schedule is different than that of my family, so I hardly get to see them. The distance from my friends is growing. I'm sad. I miss just breathing. I miss not having to worry about assignments, midterms and readings. I'm stressed. My head hurts. My arms hurt from writing, from making notes. My body just wants to rest. So forgive me for not blogging. I must go back to watching lectures now..

Which is better?

Sometimes, I wonder how it would be to have never fallen in love. To never have experience all the butterflies, smiles that creep up on my face when I just think of his name or my heart skipping beats. What would it be like to never give your heart to someone? To never have to experience a broken heart? What would it be like I wonder? Would life be easier? I guess, everyone that hasn't been in love, wants to experience it. They want to know how it feels, to be so head over heels in love with someone that just the thought of losing them hurt too much to bear. So I guess.. there are both pros and cons to each scenario. You just need to decide if it's worth it to risk having a broken heart for that moment of pleasure. What if you decide it's not worth it. Will you constantly be wondering what if? What if I had taken that risk. What if I went in for that kiss? Would we be together? Would things be different? Would he end up breaking my heart? Would we end up happily ever after? So many what ifs could be prevented just by taking a leap of faith. So what if he breaks your heart. So what if he doesn't feel the same way. Wouldn't you rather know for sure than to not know and always question? I don't know. I want to try.. but I'm not that courageous. I want to fall in love again but I'm afraid. I wish I didn't know how much it hurt to be broken. But I do..and always will. I'll always know how much it hurts. So which is better? I don't know.

The Battle Within Me

I may stumble, I may fall
I may not be at my best at all times,
or if ever at all.
But I try, I try hard,
I fight with all that I have
I hope of better days,
dream of better paths.
I dream of waking up to your smile,
to your warm touch,
I caress the night.
I wait for the morning,
I pray that I wake,
to another blessed day.
I fight a never ending fight,
a duel between two opposing teams,
inside myself.
I can never lose,
but I can never win.
It is a harsh life.
In dreams, you are what I crave,
but when I wake,
I have no idea who you are.
I don't know whether to pursue or run;
or do I stand still,
to let it -- let you,
consume me..

Terribly Terrible

I'm terrible at hellos, goodbyes, forgiveness and fights. These are the four things I believe to be terrible at. First impressions mean a lot. They say that someone judges you within the first few minutes (maybe even seconds) upon meeting you. My friends say I have an unpleasant (to put it gently) aura. I think I'd have to agree. I may come off as snobbish, rude, or just a bitch. It's hard for me to talk to people. I'm not good at hellos. If you take the time to look past my hard exterior and try to know the real me, you'd see that I'm actually not all that bad. To be honest, I'm still a bitch but I'm a nicer version. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Once I get to know someone and I like who they are, I like to hold on to them. I'm not good at goodbyes. Be warned, if you do something bad to me directly or to one of my close friends, I'm not one to forgive. I often hold grudges and once a bridge has caught fire, I let it burn. I'm not good at forgiveness. If I get into a fight with someone, I'll try and work it out..but if the other person isn't willing to talk it out, neither will I. I never know what to say. I hate apologizing when I don't know what I did wrong. I hate the feeling of someone being mad at me. I'm not good at fights.

There is only so much control.

I know a lot of people may believe they live by the saying "no regrets" but really.. let's be honest, how many of us actually follow through? I know I always have regrets and then I just equate it to fate. I myself, do believe in fate more so than the phrase "live with no regrets" but I still regret many many MANY things. Regrets may be small, like not getting something your gut was telling you to or taking a leap of faith on something bigger. How many times have you regret not studying for a test or studying harder (if you did study). Some things are just out of our control. In hindsight, you thought that you could have studied or you could have studied harder instead of playing video games all night. That you could have gotten more sleep, or ate a proper meal that morning instead of downing an energy drink. Regret is all around us, and sometimes even though we plan things a certain way, it just doesn't work in our favour. Life is full of life lessons. What would be the point of living if you didn't learn something every day, if you didn't change, grow, mature, learn. Regret is natural. There will always be those "what if" thoughts. Don't let them consume you. Don't let them take over you. Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.

Time Heals

I think that one of the hardest things in life is to get over a breakup with your first love. Break ups are never easy, (unless you're the heartbreaker) and they don't get any easier as time goes on.


I know it's really cliché but I feel like the saying "time heals all wounds" is true. You might be going through a break up or have been trying to get over one for a while now. You've tried everything. You've tried deleting them off your facebook, twitter, phone, etc. You've tried throwing out all of the presents, letters, tickets, cards, and anything else that he's given you. Yet, you can't seem to get them out of your head. Maybe the problem is that you're not supposed to erase them from your mind. Maybe you're supposed to cherish the memories and keep them locked away in a special part of your heart. In time, those feelings will fade. In time, the memories won't haunt you. In time, you'll forget. The worst mistake someone could make is to move on so quickly after breaking up. Another relationship will not cause the hurt to lessen. And if it does, then it's illusory. It's also not fair to him. How can you even try to start a relationship with someone when you know for a fact that your heart is unavailable. How can he give you his all, when you're so guarded? It's just not fair to him or to you. Give yourself time to heal. Give yourself time to breathe and just live. You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. Remember, single does not necessarily mean available.

Not a sweet goodbye.

So summer is winding down; less than a week left before the start of school for me. What have I been up to you might wonder? Partying? Drinking? Going out? Hanging out with friends? Enjoying my last days of summer? No. I've been working. I've been working for the past 6 days..straight. Today was my only day off and tomorrow (well later today technically) it's back to work..until Tuesday. So if I hadn't had today off, I would have been working 9 days straight.. crazy right?! You might wonder why I would use my last week of freedom to work. To be honest, I didn't plan on it. I haven't worked much this summer, only three shifts a week and thought the last week would be the same. However, my boss decided to go away to the cottage for a week so she asked me to cover her shifts. I don't know what compelled me to say yes, but I did and long story short, I now have no more summer :( Enough about work, let's talk about what I did today on my day off! Well, I went with my brother shopping since he needed to pick up a few school things (belt, shoes and socks) and decided I'd tag along since I love him oh so much and we never get to hang out! So, we did a bit of shopping and A LOT of walking. We then went to have pho because we were both craving it and I ordered a whole bunch of apps too. Sadly, my brother did not feel like the pho place was up to par with his standards :( I guess we won't be going back there. Overall, it was a lovely day spent with my favourite sibling. What have you been up to for the past week? How have you been enjoying your last week of freedom? If you aren't already back in school or don't go to school that is..

Soulmate..s?

Do you ever wonder about soulmates? I know I have. I always think about it. I always question it. I always wonder.. is there only one? How many soulmates can one have? Is it not just supposed to be one? What if you believe someone is your soulmate.. but you're not theirs? What then? Are they truly not your soulmate since the feeling isn't reciprocated? What if you never get to meet your soulmate? Is it scary to think that you'll never meet your soulmate? That you may never marry them like you thought you would? Many people [I think] want to marry the love of their life, their soulmate. But really? How many of us can say we have even met our soulmate, if we ever will. What will you do then? What if you love someone but believe that they are not your soulmate, what then? My friend whom has a gf told me that he loves her but he believes that his soulmate is elsewhere. I looked at him puzzled. If he believes that she's his soulmate then what is stopping him? For one, his gf [whom he loves] and two, the alleged soulmates bf. I'm not sure where his logic is coming from but I guess it's his own decision. If I had the chance to be with my soulmate, I would not hesitate. But then again, there are these obstacles in the way. I wonder how many couples today can say they met their soulmate and married them. I'm sure it's quite low compared to all the people that are still looking for their soulmate. Wouldn't it be easier if we had a soulmate tracker? I think I can say I've met my soulmate. And I'm glad that I've even been given that chance. Because, there are those that are special enough to find it and embrace it yet others are still searching without any luck. Some may not even find their soulmate in this lifetime. I at least got to meet mine, even if it was just for a little bit.

Only One?

I feel like I don't really know how to define my fashion sense. I think I know what's in and what's not but sometimes, I don't know. I just wear whatever makes me comfortable. Usually though, I think of who I'm hanging out with and try to work my outfit around who I'm seeing that day. I realized this because the other day when I saw my friend, I thought about his style and then tried to wear something that would complement him. No, not in the couple-ish way. When I see couples that match it's cute, but when they go overboard with it, I'm kind of creeped out. I remember seeing a couple with matching sweaters, jackets, jeans and even shoes! That is wayyy too matchy-matchy for my taste. If I were ever to match with my bf, I'd want it to be subtle; like an accent colour or something. Anyways, back onto my style. My style is pretty much everywhere. I'm not any extreme though.. like hipster or anything but sometimes I have my days. Usually, I wear skinny jeans, flats, a tank or flowy top paired with a cardigan or blazer. This is usually my go-to option. It really depends on my mood. Dressed down, I wear jeans and v necks. My current fave tees are from Lucky 7, they are just soooo soft! I love that fall is just around the corner. It means cooler weather and layering. I love layering. Am I the only one that dresses depending on who I hang out with? I feel like it makes sense. I mean, you wouldn't want to stick out like a sore thumb, would you? I guess if you enjoy attention and whatnot. But, I'm already tall compared to my friends, so I think that's enough attention already.

My Favourite

I had a very busy day today. I got to meet up with one of my favourite friends whom I only get to see once or twice a year. We went camera shopping, was sent on a wild goose chase at the Bay, had yogen früz, korean bbq and other things that shall not be named. There was a lot of walking involved today and I feel too tired to even blog. Sorry my blogging hasn't been very frequent lately. I guess this gives you a chance to catch up on the stuff I've written in the past. Hope you're doing well!

Limits?

Would you date your friends ex? Is it "awkward"? Is it okay? Is it the "norm"? Under what circumstances? Here are my two cents.

I think that dating your friends ex is weird. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I would constantly be worried about my friend and my now boyfriend [who is now their ex]. Thinking about it, just gives me a headache and weird vibes. Just think, your now boyfriend used to do everything he does with you to her..weird :S It's especially awkward if your friend used to gush to you about him and what he would do for her. I guess it would be different if you and your friend were not that close, then it would be slightly better.. but it's still weird. You might even begin to compare dates and what not and it could get pretty intense and competitive. I just think it's better to not get caught in that sticky web to begin with. Why would you want sloppy seconds anyways?

I don't want to be

You know what ruins friendships? Boys. Not just boys, but boyfriends in particular. I think the friends that I have, that have boyfriends, are so attached that they lose contact with their girlfriends and are swept away into a world that's just their own. I don't hear from them much anymore; it's sad really. I hate that once someone gets a boyfriend, they detach themselves from their friends and put their boyfriend first. I understand that it's a nice feeling to have someone to cuddle with and what not but really, it's just.. stupid. Call me bitter and cold but I've been through it. I used to put my boyfriends before my girlfriends. As sad as it sounds, when you're in the relationship I guess you don't see that it takes over you. Well here is a heads up to all you girls that are starting to fall for someone, have already fallen, are beginning a relationship or trying to maintain one; don't do it without friends. Try very very VERY hard not to fall into the trap of alienating friends. Because when the time comes that that boy, the one that supposedly loves you, breaks your heart, you're going to need backup. I've fallen victim of the trap, and I didn't realize it until it was after the relationships ended. Hopefully seeing it in print will allow me to remember easier for the next time I decide to let a boy in. Hopefully, this will remind you too. I don't want to be the girl that puts her boyfriend before her girlfriends anymore. I'm going to remember to have girls nights. But this works both ways. I don't want to be the girl that takes away a guy from his boy friends. I don't want his buddies to dislike me because I take up all his time and he doesn't have time to just "chill" with them anymore. You need a balance.

Mini Update!

Hi! It's been a while. Sorry I haven't been updating. I was without internet for about a week.. so I couldn't really blog.. LOL but I'm back! And hopefully it won't happen again any time soon. Let's see.. what have I been up to.. work, work and more work basically. I did get to see a few of my friends this past week. I had a bake day with my friend (pineapple upside down cake post coming soon) and I got to see my other two friends that I haven't seen in a while. I watched the movie "30 minutes or less", it was pretty good. Uhm, I went to a yogurt place where you build your own frozen yogurt and put toppings on it and what not. It's like yogurtland! We don't have one of those here in Canada.. I really want those HK and friends cups and spoons! AHHH cuteness overload :( This post is every where.. so sorry. I will try and come up with a more "put together" post soon! Hope you're all doing well (:

Not Strong Enough. .

I know I'm a bit late on the trend but I finally got the Urban Decay Naked Palette! I have been looking for it for a while now and once I found it in Shoppers I was a bit reluctant to get it. Especially since its S65.54 after tax [here in Canada] and I don't even use eye shadow. I mainly wanted the palette because EVERYONE else seemed to have it and felt a bit left out. So I passed on it the first time I saw it but ever since that day, I could not stop thinking about it. It was driving me so crazy! So today, I was in the mood to splurge on something so I ended up getting the damn palette. Maybe I'll force myself to wear eye shadow now since it did cost so much and I don't want my sister to use it all up! I swear she says I don't do anything for her but really this IS for her. I mean she uses eyeshadow daily so tbh, its more to her benefit than mine and she better appreciate it!

Doctor Doctor.

Yesterday, I felt very drowsy. I did nothing except sleep and eat. I don't know what's wrong with me, if there is something wrong with me. Am I going to sleep too late and waking up too early? Is it over-exhaustion? Is it sleep deprivation? I really don't know. I've also been having headaches. [I never get headaches]. They are on the left side of my head near the temporal lobe area. I have also been experiencing slight discomfort on my right side. This, I have experienced before but not in conjunction with the headaches. Breathing lately has also been a bit off. I'm not stressed. I'm not upset. I'm not anything. So I don't know why my body is failing me. I feel a bit drowsy now. Maybe I should really listen to my mum and go to the doctors. I haven't seen him in probably 2 years :S

Almost 3 years later..

I knew the day would come when you would have a girlfriend again. I've been waiting, preparing. I thought I was in a good place, to accept and not care. I thought it would just be whatever, I mean, it's been almost three years for goodness sakes. I guess I was hoping I'd be okay. That I'd be ready. That I could live if you were to move on. That you have been moving on. Truth is, I do care. I still care; after all this time; After all these years. I like that you've been able to move on. I'm happy for you, truly. You are very special and dear and although you may not know it or think it yourself, you are incredible. You were an incredible boyfriend. Seeing it for myself made my heart skip a beat. I don't think this will ever change. No amount of time will change the memories. Now go on, love. There's love waiting for you (:

I miss. .

I remember when I would sit here and think about you. I remember when I would just wait for hours and hours. I would sit here, on my bed, thinking about you. I remember your scent. It's amazing how thinking about your scent alone brings back so many memories. I wonder what would happen if I were to come across someone with the same scent; if I were to catch a whiff of it somehow. I wonder if you think about me. I wonder what you do when you're alone, in your room, on your bed. I wonder if you're waiting for me. I wonder how it would be like to just be close to you again. To smell you, to stare you in the eyes, to look into your soul. I wonder how it would be to steal a kiss (or two), to reach for your hand, to be in your embrace. I miss talking to you. I miss being close to you. I miss you. I've been missing you. When we talk, I often find myself grinning like an idiot, smiling just because.. well just because. I miss it. A lot.

When You're Ready.

I can't deal with it anymore. It's honestly draining to keep you content. If you don't want to talk, fine. We'll be just like how you are to everyone else. I'm not going to initiate conversation. I'm not going to ask for your help. I'm not going to ask for favours. I'm just not going to do anything. I don't have enough energy in me to keep fighting; I'm done. When you're ready to talk it out like a mature adult, let me know. Because right now, you're honestly just a child.

Walking on Eggshells.

Honestly, I don't know how to deal with you anymore. You say I upset you, annoy you, piss you off but yet you never tell me why or how. I try my best to talk to you but all you do is shut me out. How can I better myself and our relationship if you refuse to talk to me, refuse to communicate? I honestly don't see what I do wrong. I apologize because I sincerely mean it and yet you still give me the cold shoulder. I don't know what you're dealing with, if you're dealing with something else but please stop taking it out on me. Stop pushing me away. I want us to have a solid relationship, one where we can confide in each other. I don't want to constantly be worrying about the next thing I say or how you'll react or what mood you'll be in the next 5 minutes. I want to know that I can talk to you without you exploding in my face or brushing me off. I don't want to be constantly walking on eggshells.

Insanity.

I don't think you understand the words that come out of my mouth sometimes. I really don't know what goes on in your head. Sometimes I wonder if it goes in through one ear and comes out the next. You apologize but honestly, you say it too much that I don't think it means anything. I don't think you realize how annoying you can be at times. Your voice haunts me. I tell you not to do things because they amplify your annoying-ness yet you continue to do it. Why? When you do things over and over, expecting different results, it's called insanity. You're insane. You keep doing the same things over and over again, expecting me to respond differently; I'm not. If anything, it gets more and more annoying as time presses on. Please learn to take the things I say to heart. I'm not trying to change who you are. But maybe if you saw what you were doing yourself, you'd want to change yourself. Because honestly, it's starting to come to the point where I don't even want to deal with you. It's exhausting. Take some time, think about it; look inside yourself; really look inside yourself.

Cheap Thrills

I think I need to find myself a new hobby or something. Something preferably cheap and won't cost me a lot in the short or long run.. I know that's a bit impossible though, since everything costs money :( Lately, I've had the random urge to bake.. I really want to bake cupcakes and decorate them! My friend has expressed that she wants to go to a cupcake workshop and it sounds interesting but I really don't want to pay 80$ for a two hour class where they don't even provide me with an apron! I would much rather spend that 80$ on my own supplies and learn myself. That way, I could at least keep my tools if all else fails. I really want to learn piping techniques and how to make fondant (it looks so nice)! I will let you know if I decide to follow through with this plan and maybe I'll save a cupcake for you too ;)

Here is what I'm picturing in my head..

Expections

Reality

Do not

I write blogs because I enjoy writing them. I like having something to do when I'm bored, feel inspired or when I just need an outlet for all the emotions that build up. I like to write what I'm thinking, in hopes that others will feel the same way. I do not however write to please others. I am not here to please your reading needs. This is my own personal blog and I will write what I want to write. You may not agree with all or most of the things I say. You may not like everything I write about or find everything I write about interesting but I never said it would be. You choose to keep reading; you can stop at any moment. I am not always going to write about good things. I will write whatever is on my mind. I don't want to feel like I can't express my emotions because I'm afraid that someone that I don't want to know will read this. I will write when I want, what I want. I don't want to feel the need to please you. I don't want to feel like I should sugar coat things in order to not hurt your feelings. I will write what I feel, how I feel about certain situations and anything else I want. I don't use names in my posts because I like to keep some things private and have that bit of anonymity. But, if you feel like a post is talking specifically to you, it probably is.

This is me.

Rosa Lin. This secretly insane girl who dreams of everything. Who dreams of her future, who wants things to play out perfectly. Who tries to move on but every time she thinks she's out.. something pulls her back in. I have a confession to make.. maybe it's not really a "confession" but more of a "hey, I'd like you to know" so here it goes.. Although you may never read this or even care enough to give it a look, I hope that one day you will or perhaps stumble upon it somehow.

I'm tired of hiding how I feel or remaining in secret.

You'll never know the impact you created on me if I don't tell you so here it is. The time we shared together was is something I cherished very much. With you, I felt happy. You were everything to me, everything I could ask for. You were a friend whom I spoke to everyday and developed a bond with. You were someone I admired very much and aspired to be the best that I could be. You taught me nothing a book or education could teach me. You taught me to love. I fell in love with you, quite hard I might add. I think I fell a bit too hard and a bit too fast but when you're in love you do the most absurd, irrational things. That was proven to me. I don't think any amount of words could describe how I felt for you nor do I think they ever will. I know that we are no longer together, that's sunken in already. In the time that we've been apart, I've tried to figure a lot of things out. I've played every scene in my head a million times; how we could have done things differently. And I've finally given up. I realize now that I will never get over you because you were and are my first love. Out of everyone else for some reason you're the one that has stayed with me. I dug a deep deep hole and was forced to climb out of it. I thought that's what I was supposed to do, climb and climb no matter how many times I fell back down. I was wrong. Instead of fighting against your existence, and trying to forget, I've learned to appreciate and remember the time we shared. I'll keep the memories of you because the future is unknown, changing with every decision I make, it is never crystal clear. The past however, has passed. It's there, never changing, a constant, a stabilizer. A piece of my heart will always belong to you regardless if you want it or not. I'll love you forever and always.. because I meant it when I said forever ;)

Half the time you were falling in love, and the other half falling out. For me, I was falling, and kept falling until I landed here, in the mariana trench of love. I may not be in love, but I still do love [you]

Reminisce. .

i cant stop thinking about you
you are continuously running around my mind
everywhere i go, everything i do,
i am always thinking of you.
not that its a bad thing,
but i just want you to know how much you mean to me
how much you've changed me. made me grow.
i have finally found something in life that i care about
and i never wanna lose you.
i've been lacking you lately,
but i've somehow pulled through
waiting for that one day.
that one day where i'll be with you once more.
i only hope that you miss me as much as i do you
cause i am dying for that day to come.
i want to fastforward time,
just until i get to see you. then time can stand still.
but it seems as though the opposite is happening.
i never have enough time with you
so i cherish every minute we're together
i wish you were with me now. i miss you. i love you. <3

What goes around, comes around.

Do you believe in karma? The saying, what goes around comes around? Have you experienced its strength or are you one of those people that are still skeptical? I believe in karma. I believe that whatever you put out into the world, whether it be positive or negative energy, it will be reciprocated back to you. It may happen within seconds or it may take years, but eventually, it catches up to you, everything often does. I remember one instance in particular that sticks in my head. I was once waiting for my bus and I noticed there was a girl sitting on the nearby bench. When she got up, the 50$ that was in her back pocket fell out and landed under the bench. I could have waited for her to leave and pick up the 50$ but I didn't. I told her before she got up to leave. And do you know what she did? She gave me a dirty look and didn't even say thank you. How rude I thought to myself. I just saved this girl from losing 50$ and she has the audacity to give me a dirty look?! I was somewhat bitter afterwards because of the response I got from her. Afterwards of course, I kept thinking to myself that it would have been better to just wait for her to leave and pocket the money myself. But I knew that it wouldn't have been the right thing to do. Years later, while at work, I found 50$. No, I did not find it in the cash register (haha) A customer must have dropped it but I thought back to the time I had told that girl she had dropped her money and decided that this must have been [good] karma coming back to me. I did not see the person that dropped the 50$ at work, had I, I would have told them, but I didn't so.. it was mine to keep. This is an instance where karma took a while to get back to me, but eventually it did. It seems as though bad karma is usually faster to make its way around. I remember one time in elementary school, I didn't like this girl so I would think bad thoughts about her (like wishing she would fall while running) and instead, I was the one that fell flat on my face. So, I guess I'm trying to persuade you in the direction of karma, that it does exist and it is not a hoax. That whatever you put out into the world, positive or negative, it will come back to you [eventually]. You have the power to change the world, one positive thought at a time. Be kind to strangers, kill them with kindness; smile. Good karma will only bring around more good karma. Why would you want to wish bad things upon someone if ultimately those bad things will come back to haunt you, yourself? I would much rather send good vibes out into the universe in hopes to get it in return.

Laziness; it gets the best of me.

So today, I woke up pretty early. Woke up around 8:30 to get ready to go to the bank with my brother to open an account. It didn't take long thankfully and we went to Starbucks afterwards because it was so hot again today! He got a caramel macchiato (ick) and I got an iced green tea ♥ Hehehe, I tweeted it to @StarbucksCanada and they even replied back saying they liked my nails. Kind of made my day (just saying). I was supposed to go to laser quest and out for dinner but I was too lazy after my nap. When I woke, my friend texted me and told me to go to Starbucks to meet up because he was "sheltering from the rain". I looked outside and it wasn't even raining.. I'm pretty sure he just wanted an excuse to be at Starbucks XD Anywho, even that I was too lazy to go to (even though I LOVE Starbucks) I just felt too groggy and lethargic from my nap to get up, shower and get ready to go out. So here I sit, on a Friday night, blogging. LOL

Truth.

The one you love, and the one that loves you, are never, ever, the same person.

Beating the Heat.

Today, my friend, sister and I went to a restaurant called Wish I had called on Sunday to make reservations and gotten the answering machine so I left a message. I told them that I wanted to make reservations for three people for 12pm on Wednesday (today). I left my name (Rosa) and hung up. Today when we went, I told the guy that was waiting to help us that I had made reservations and that it would be under the name Rosa. He looked at the list and was unable to find it. I searched the list with my friends as well. To my dismay, I did not see my name on the list! He then went to go ask for help from a woman. I assume she was the owner. She asked me what my name was and searched the list too. Let's just say, there was a big misunderstanding and she thought my name was Erica. So, finally we got the issue sorted out and the whole day, my sister and my friend made fun of me by calling me Erica. After we had our lovely meal, we made our way to Ontario Place! * A little background info; I don't know how to swim. Hahaha. Anyways, they basically forced me onto all the water slides but to my surprise.. it was actually REALLY fun! And the best part was, I didn't even need to swim. I sat nice and comfortably in a tube while I went through the tunnels (: We also went on the log ride and bumper boats. I wish we had gotten there earlier or stayed a bit later but it was fun nonetheless (exhausting too!) To end the day off, I finally got to try funnel cake! I was a bit disappointed.. but mehh. I much prefer beavertails. Time to post some pictures from lunch! Enjoy!

Just a Kiss. .

Have you ever met someone and after talking to them for a bit, felt the urge to kiss them? Or have you ever known someone for an extensive amount of time and then one day, all of a sudden, you catch yourself looking staring at their lips? I seem to have this problem a lot. I always find myself wanting to kiss people.. I think it's odd that I just seem to be drawn to lips. It's nothing overly sexual of course. It's just, I'm curious (I guess you could say). I wonder how some kisses feel over others and I wonder if there would be a spark. Is it strange?

Wish It Could Have Been Me.

And in that moment, I knew that you had fell in love with her. I saw the love in your eyes; the sparkle. You hugged her, holding tighter and tighter. She hugged back, tucked ever so delicately under your strong arms. She looked at you with her eyes that seemed to pierce into your soul; you held each others gaze and then.. it happened. The kiss. The kiss that would change everything. The kiss that made her, yours and you, hers. It seemed like forever had passed. The kiss that lasted an eternity. I forgot how long I had been standing there.. just lost, broken, torn. I fell back into the shadows and I knew that I had to let you go. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. I wanted to fight for you still but I knew that there was nothing left for me to do. It had happened. You had sealed your fate with her.

Into the Future

Do you believe that dreams are an insight into the future? Sometimes I experience deja vu..actually quite often I do. I experienced it last night when I was walking home through that too familiar path. But anyways, last night I had a few dreams. I dreamt that I was working at the daycare I occasionally work at and there was a new batch of kids. I don't remember their names, it was all a blur. I just know that there was one little blond boy in particular that was strangely attached to me. He was very cute. It sounds like that dream that could possibly come true.. My next dream was a bit.. off? I don't know how to describe it. I was somewhere and there was this person with a camera that rested on a horizontal ladder and the camera was able to slide on it. It was a very weird but cool set up? I guess the next part of my dream is where I really want to know if this telling of the future thing will happen. I dreamt that I was trying to find your contact in my phone. I looked for it for a few minutes because I probably had something I wanted to tell you. After a bit of searching I realized that you had changed your name. It changed to something with a J. I assumed it was the initial of your new girlfriend. So I didn't message you. I guess I'm hoping it doesn't come true. I like talking to you.

The Simpler Things

I love when I get good morning texts. It just instantly fills me up with joy and wakes me in a good mood. I love good night texts, they too fill me with happiness and allow me to slumber with a smile on my face. I love when people hold the door for me when they see me coming. I love when people miss the garbage can and pick up their trash and try again instead of leaving it on the floor. I love the sound of rain. I love hot showers. I love cuddling in bed, securely wrapped in my blanket. I love hugging. I love the feel of a new book. I love the warmth of freshly printed paper. I love orchids. I love the way a cool breeze feels on a hot summer day. I love rolling coins I've saved to see how much I've actually saved. I love just loafting. I love when you make the effort to see me. I love the smell of freshly cleaned clothes. I love when you message me, out of the blue, just to talk; not because you were bored but because I was on your mind, that you were thinking of me. I love tea. I love lounging at home in shorts and a tee. I love hitting every green light when I need to be somewhere. I love cupcakes and macarons. I love fro-yo. I love saying fro-yo. I love the feeling of getting my hair cut because my head feels so light after. I love making lists and crossing them out as I accomplish them. I love food. I love the simpler things.

Le Week-end

So since I've been too tired to update I'm gonna do a weekend update thing (: usually I just work on the weekends but this weekend has been pretty eventful. I went out with my sister on friday to run a few errands (went to the bank to deposit some coins that I had been saving and shoppers to mail a letter after putting it off for a few weeks). After errands we went to Star King for pho (which is always nice especially when she pays). I hadn't been there in a while so I was pleasantly surprised to see that they had somewhat upgraded. Their menus were no longer falling apart and were actually binded really nicely. The pictures were also nicely photographed and pleasing to the eye. Even their drinks had upgraded! My sister got coke that came in the nice glass bottle instead of a can which was a cute touch. After being stuffed from our late lunch (being the fatasses that me and my sister are) we went to Wendy's for some dessert. Tbh, I was a bit disappointed. I will leave it at that. Afterwards, I left my sister to go downtown to go to a "reunion". It was supposed to be for my gr 8 class and included the teachers as well. Turned out to be a big fail. Only 4 students showed up (myself included) but I guess it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. We caught up a bit and just talked. Oh, I should probably mention where this "reunion" took place. We went to Cafe California for dinner since Summerlicious is happening (you get a three course meal for a set price). I ordered a caesar salad, steak, and cream caramel. The food was good but the service was terrible. Took forever for our waiter to come, take our orders and deliver our food. He also did not refill our water even after pointing out that we needed more (several times). Maybe if Summerlicious had not been going on, it would have been better but I guess we'll never know now, will we? So that sums up Friday night. Today, I went to work (of course). Had a pretty long shift (I stayed a bit later than usual because I had to kill time since I was waiting to meet friends at 8. I got tired of work so I signed myself out and headed to the theatres. I was still going to be early so I ended up going into Indigo/Chapters for a bit. As I was browsing around I noticed that there was a bookshelf full of books that were on sale! I checked to see if there was anything good since the books that are usually on sale are pretty lame. To my surprise, I found the House of Night series! IN HARD COVER! Guess how much they were? They were 2 dollars! YES, 2. Dollars! I definitely snatched them up since I had heard good things about them. Sadly I only got 3 of the 4 (Marked, Betrayed, and Chosen) but it's still better than nothing! I ended up getting 5 books today. (I never buy books) The other two books are called Three girls and their brother and Play me Hopefully they're good. I think I really milked it today. 5 books for about half the cost of a regular hardcover book. Not too shabby, not too shabby ;) And then, it was time to meet my friends to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II I will not spoil it for anyone who has not watched it but let's just say it was AMAZING! Hope you all are having a lovely weekend! Back to work for me tomorrow so I might as well skip tomorrows update. Maybe if something interesting happens I'll be able to create a separate post. This one.. is EXTREMELY long.. Sorry about that :S

Friends before Lovers?

Do you think it's better to be friends first then lovers or is it completely possible to be lovers right off the bat? I always used to think that it was impossible to be with someone unless I were friends with them first. This is probably only how a naive young person thinks because the idea of being with a stranger is frightening and somewhat unheard of in childhood. As I grow older, I come to realize that it is possible to have a healthy relationship with someone that you have not known for an extensive amount of time. However, I still believe that being friends with someone first is a good way to start any relationship. When you meet someone for the first time, you feel awkward and somewhat uneasy.. imagine if meeting them for the first time (or even second) was on a date between just the two of you. I just think it's easier to start off friends then progress into lovers. But then again, the first time meeting them may not be awkward and uneasy and you could hit it off right away. I guess it all depends. If you go straight from strangers to lovers you have nothing to fall back on when the relationship ends. This is because you were never in the friends stage and don't know how to be friends with that person. When you are friends with someone first, you see who they are as a person. You see who they really are. They aren't putting up a façade to impress you because you are only friends at the moment. You aren't blinded by love (yet) and can see clearly. You also have a greater chance of falling back into the friends stage when the relationship ends. But again, this all depends..

Doubts?

How many times have you had doubts? Been unsure? Been uncertain? How many times has it been because of your girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, lover, partner, significant other? What's the simplest way to see how they feel without directly asking them? Simple. Text them three words. I Love You. Nothing more. Nothing less. No hearts, smileys, winks, quotations, nothing. Just those three words. And wait. How can it fail? Hope it helps!

*Disclaimer: only say it if you really do love them. Don't go playing with hearts now. (:

Everyone's a Critic.

I am not perfect. I know that. I can be rude, self-centred, arrogant, obnoxious, annoying and more. I do not claim to be perfect. I don't think you do either. I make mistakes. I have SO many flaws. Trust me, I know. I try to be the best that I can be. I have better days than some. I sometimes do not even realize the way I act because who can really keep in check 24/7? I slip up. I fcuk up. I'm human. Some people are just not meant to mesh. I'm fine with that. We can be civil. We just can't be friends. Not everyone you meet is going to like you. It's just the way it is. Life isn't fair. And it sure as hell isn't easy. I try to put up a strong front. I try to be confident. I try so hard to not let others define me or get the best of me. But really, who am I kidding. I have insecurities. I have my doubts. I probably am my own worst enemy. I pick at all the things I've done wrong, all my imperfections, all my flaws. You have no idea how long it's taken me to build my self-esteem to where it is. I put up a cold front because I'm afraid of people seeing the real me. The girl that gets worked up over strangers judging her. The girl who is an emotional wreck. The girl who cries during movies that aren't even meant to be sad. I'm afraid that people will take it as a sign of weakness and take advantage. I don't want to be vulnerable to hurt. I don't want to appear weak. I'm not always right. I'm often wrong. I'm unable to open up to people easily. I don't like talking about my problems. I take a lot of warming up to. I have trust issues. I'm blatantly honest. I have a weird sense of humour. Those who know me, know it's just the way I am. It has nothing to do with the way I was brought up, it's my own personality. I don't like pretending to be fake. It's just not who I am. I'm not going to extend an olive branch to every single person that crosses my path because if they were meant to be apart of my life, it wouldn't be necessary.

"Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter" - Dr. Seuss

Cherry Culture!

My package from Cherry Culture finally came today! I placed my order on June 17th and got it today, July 5th. It took almost 2 and a half weeks to get here! I am not happy with the amount of time it took for shipping but am very happy with the products. I ordered 3 nyx blushes, 6 lipsticks, 1 eyebrow pencil and a nail polish set that came with four polishes. I am glad to see that everything came in one piece (no broken items). Everything was wrapped in bubble wrap and then placed into a box and stuffed with paper. I'll post pictures as well as swatches now.

Lipsticks

Blush

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that they threw in a bubble gum lip balm (I thought that was nice). It still doesn't make up for the shipping

The Pursuit of Love

Love is nothing of material worth. The word itself is not tangible unless you were to take it literally. For then in that sense you could find blocks that spell love and prove me wrong. For the sake of the argument, we will deny that. So if love itself has no materialistic worth in our immensely materialistic world, why are so many people in the pursuit of love? Is it because love brings warmth on those chilly winter nights? Someone to cuddle up with in front of an open fire? Or perhaps the idea that love solves everything and dissolves all pain? For it is said that love can heal what modern medicine can not. For if this was the purpose of love could a pet not suffice? Or perhaps love is something deeper. Something in which requires one to give all that they have and not hold themselves back. For love is not giving 50/50, it's giving 100/100. Is love something that can only be completely achieved with a life long commitment? I'm unsure. Do people pursue love for happiness? For surely love leads to happiness. And thus, is the real pursuit here the pursuit of happiness? For if it were, then this will surely lead to insanity and a dreadful life. For it is said that the pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness. So it would be wise to not pursue love because subconsciously one is on the pursuit of happiness and happiness can not be pursued for it merely leads to unhappiness.

Just a Feeling

Woke up pretty early today. It's not even 9am where I am. I have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach; I feel sick. Doesn't seem like it'll be a good day. Hopefully my instincts are wrong. Going to try and go back to sleep to try and sleep it off. Hopefully it helps.

What's Wrong?

I've been feeling a bit down the past few days; I don't know what's wrong. I hate when I'm in one of these moods where I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I'm sad but I'm not sure where this sadness is coming from; I can't directly pinpoint an event that happened to make me feel like this. Maybe I just need to have a good cry but I don't feel like crying. I think I just need a nice hug or something. Even shopping online is proving to be useless. Maybe I need to find a new hobby or something; something that will consume me in it. I feel like all my friends are off doing their own things and there's no time for me. I think I've been growing distant to a lot of people. I feel like I don't see my family as often as I'd like because we're all just on different schedules. I feel defeated by life I guess. I hate that others know what they want to do in life and are working towards it. I hate that I'm being left behind. Maybe I should volunteer somewhere or something.

I Know What I Want

I want someone to be there for me. I want someone to tell me everything will be okay even if it won't. I want someone to just hug me and make me feel safe. Someone whom I can talk to about anything and everything. I like to hug. I like to cuddle. I enjoy holding hands. I like the way sweet kisses feel. As well as the intense passionate make out sessions. I like the way lingering lips feel (or don't feel), a centimetre a part; inching closer and closer. I get jealous. I am paranoid. It's hard for me to put all my trust into someone. I laugh, I cry, I smile and frown. I believe in love; true, infinite, unconditional love. I want someone to share life with. I want someone to share all the ups, downs, highs, and lows of life. I want someone to walk the journey with me, no matter how long it may take; no matter how hard it may be. I want a shoulder to lean on. I want to be a shoulder someone else leans on. I want to be their rock that keeps them grounded. This is what I want. Eventually. Now is the time to live my life without the worries of tomorrow. Without the worries of what's going to happen a week, month, or year from now. I want all of it. But for now, I can just live life, to the best of my abilities, sans the worries of whether or not I'll get what I want. I won't waste my time looking for it because when it's the right time, it will find me. After all, I am a fate believer ;)

Bruised

Today, I woke up in SO much pain. My body was sore and I could hardly move. My arms, neck, legs, and back were all killing me. Yesterday, I went go karting with my friends. I have gone many times before and always to the same place; Polson Pier (formerly known as the Docks). NEVER EVER have I ever experienced this. It feels as if I had an intense work out sesh. My back was a bit red last night before bed and I found it painful to sleep on my back so I couldn't. Even turning took a lot of work since I couldn't put weight on my back, I had to lift my back in order to rotate (so uncomfortable). It's not the go karting places fault though; it's mine. I guess I got a little bit too competitive and on the last lap I crashed full force into a few of my friends. I hope that it's not a big deal and I will heal fast. I'm pretty sure it's going to bruise though.. it's still a bit red and tender to the touch :S

Would You Rather..

What is a lie? A lie to me is when someone does not tell me the truth when I ask for it. Is withholding information considered a lie? No, not really. This doesn't mean that you SHOULD withhold information but sometimes it's necessary in order to avoid hurt and unnecessary drama. I mean, if I don't like what you're wearing, I'm not going to say it blatantly to your face. However, if you asked me if I liked it, I'd have no other choice than to tell you the truth. If you like your outfit and are confident with it, then my opinion shouldn't matter. So thus, me withholding information is no big deal. Sometimes however, withholding information could do more harm than good. For example, if I saw a friends boyfriend out with some other girl and saw him do stuff (ie kissing) depending on the closeness level to my friend, I'd probably feel obliged to tell her (even though not asked). However, I think withholding this information is not considered a lie because in order for it to be a lie you would need to say something that is not the truth and if you say nothing at all, it can't possibly be a lie; right? Would you rather the truth that makes you cry or a lie that makes you smile?