I Can`t

I can`t do this anymore, I won`t. All this time I`ve been letting you take over my thoughts, take over my emotions, take over my life. You don`t deserve it, any of it. You don`t deserve my time, my efforts, my emotions, my affection, my self, my heart, nor my soul. I won`t let you take over my thoughts any more and I won`t miss you. I won`t mope around hoping you`ll come back to me, I just can`t. I can`t stand the memories, the constant reminders, the constant questions that rush through my mind. I can`t stay in this circle anymore and I won`t. I`m finding my way out and I won`t turn back. I`m tired of you. I hate the way that I`ve lowered myself so much just so that you can sit on your pedastal. I'm sick and tired of it. I want to forgive you, I really do..but I don`t know if I can. Maybe some time from now but the future is everchanging and I feel myself changing. I`m learning, I`m growing up, I`m maturing. I`m walking away and I`m not looking back. It`s time to move on and start a new chapter. Maybe one day you`ll realize what a mistake it was and maybe one day you`ll regret it. But this is my now, without you and you have your now, without me. You seem content and I`m happy for you. I just need to stop putting your happiness before mine. For once, I`m going to be selfish.

Let The Good Times Roll

New Years Eve and what was I doing? Party-ing it up of course! My self appointed best friend, Petey, invited me to a house party so i'm like hey why not, it's not like I wanted to be stuck at home sleeping into the new year anyways. So at first i'm a bit nervous and quiet just because I knew like 1% of the people at the party aha (fun) but after a few shots it was getting interesting. Everyone was just talking to everyone, the musics blasting, and everyones just having a good time. I meet a few people, most of which I don't even remember their names... but i'm sure that doesn't matter too much, it's not like i'll see them anytime soon or ever. By the time countdown rolled around everyone was wasted of course. So we're all crammed into the one room counting down 10, 9, 8, 7, 6,5,4,3,2, and finally 1. The hugs from random people are flying everywhere, everyones screaming happy new years and i'm just there, accepting and giving hugs, screaming happy new years and trying to sober up. It was just an amazing, unforgettable night. welcome 2009!