Fragile?

Looking at her now, you move her hair from her face.
You brush your fingers softly against her cheek.
You're afraid of hurting her.
You're afraid of letting her out of your sight.
She seems so vulnerable,
so weak.
Every movement she makes,
makes you cringe.
You fear that she'll break; any second now,
and shatter into a million pieces.
You keep a close eye on her.
Because she's "fragile".

You are enough.

When you look at yourself,
when you look around,
when you feel like you're not worth anything,
like you're worthless,
remember that there are others who feel the same way;
others that are going through the same thing.
There will always be someone prettier.
There will always be someone smarter.
But that doesn't matter.
You are you and no one else can be you.
So stop comparing yourself to others.
Everyone has their own struggles;
You don't know their story.
You have no right to judge a person,
You have no right to be judged.
You are brilliant.
And wonderful.
And amazing.
And kind.
And have a beautiful soul.
So stop worrying about what every one else thinks.
You are enough.

That feeling..

It's been a while since I've felt this way. I can actually feel you slipping away. You aren't even mine to call mine and yet I can't shake this feeling. It's the feeling you get when you start to lose hope; when you start to question if there is even anything there; if there was anything to begin with. I think the problem with me is that I put effort into one person and then keep putting that effort even when it's not reciprocated. I need a huge flashing sign that tells me when it's time to stop.. I really do. I think I'm starting to reach that point, where I can't be that girl that just waits around. Every time you mention someone else, I get a tinge of jealousy. How can I be jealous of someone else with you, it's just not right; you're not mine. I've spent too much time waiting around. I'm kind of tired of chasing.

Feeling Philosophical.

I'm taking a course called happiness and freedom this semester. I thought it would help me look through life in a different perspective than I have.. and for the first couple of weeks, it wasn't what I expected. The only good thing about my late night class is that I get to ogle at my cute professor. I do not feel happy or free in that class; rather I feel sad and trapped. What's worse is that it's in the dungeon so it adds about 100 points to the depressingness of it :( Today however, we talked about promises. We talked about keeping promises and to break one would be wrong. I mean, I kind of knew that already.. like come on, what would be the point of making a promise if you had no intentions of keeping it. I know that there are certain circumstances that are beyond ones control that might cause someone to break their promise but even that is bad according to the view we were analyzing. So why make promises at all? Why make promises that even if they were not your fault that they were broken, they are still bad? Why would you risk that? I guess then promises should be used sparingly and you should know the limit to what you can promise. So, remember that the next time you intend on making a promise. Promises are not meant to be broken. I'm not even sure if this post makes sense.. I think I'm just rambling because I want to have something to say. I've kind of lost my words..

Forgive me.

School has been really demanding. The workload keeps piling and piling. I don't have time for friends. I don't even have time for family. My days consist of eat, sleep, breathe (try to breathe) and school. My schedule is different than that of my family, so I hardly get to see them. The distance from my friends is growing. I'm sad. I miss just breathing. I miss not having to worry about assignments, midterms and readings. I'm stressed. My head hurts. My arms hurt from writing, from making notes. My body just wants to rest. So forgive me for not blogging. I must go back to watching lectures now..

Which is better?

Sometimes, I wonder how it would be to have never fallen in love. To never have experience all the butterflies, smiles that creep up on my face when I just think of his name or my heart skipping beats. What would it be like to never give your heart to someone? To never have to experience a broken heart? What would it be like I wonder? Would life be easier? I guess, everyone that hasn't been in love, wants to experience it. They want to know how it feels, to be so head over heels in love with someone that just the thought of losing them hurt too much to bear. So I guess.. there are both pros and cons to each scenario. You just need to decide if it's worth it to risk having a broken heart for that moment of pleasure. What if you decide it's not worth it. Will you constantly be wondering what if? What if I had taken that risk. What if I went in for that kiss? Would we be together? Would things be different? Would he end up breaking my heart? Would we end up happily ever after? So many what ifs could be prevented just by taking a leap of faith. So what if he breaks your heart. So what if he doesn't feel the same way. Wouldn't you rather know for sure than to not know and always question? I don't know. I want to try.. but I'm not that courageous. I want to fall in love again but I'm afraid. I wish I didn't know how much it hurt to be broken. But I do..and always will. I'll always know how much it hurts. So which is better? I don't know.