I Know What I Want

I want someone to be there for me. I want someone to tell me everything will be okay even if it won't. I want someone to just hug me and make me feel safe. Someone whom I can talk to about anything and everything. I like to hug. I like to cuddle. I enjoy holding hands. I like the way sweet kisses feel. As well as the intense passionate make out sessions. I like the way lingering lips feel (or don't feel), a centimetre a part; inching closer and closer. I get jealous. I am paranoid. It's hard for me to put all my trust into someone. I laugh, I cry, I smile and frown. I believe in love; true, infinite, unconditional love. I want someone to share life with. I want someone to share all the ups, downs, highs, and lows of life. I want someone to walk the journey with me, no matter how long it may take; no matter how hard it may be. I want a shoulder to lean on. I want to be a shoulder someone else leans on. I want to be their rock that keeps them grounded. This is what I want. Eventually. Now is the time to live my life without the worries of tomorrow. Without the worries of what's going to happen a week, month, or year from now. I want all of it. But for now, I can just live life, to the best of my abilities, sans the worries of whether or not I'll get what I want. I won't waste my time looking for it because when it's the right time, it will find me. After all, I am a fate believer ;)

Bruised

Today, I woke up in SO much pain. My body was sore and I could hardly move. My arms, neck, legs, and back were all killing me. Yesterday, I went go karting with my friends. I have gone many times before and always to the same place; Polson Pier (formerly known as the Docks). NEVER EVER have I ever experienced this. It feels as if I had an intense work out sesh. My back was a bit red last night before bed and I found it painful to sleep on my back so I couldn't. Even turning took a lot of work since I couldn't put weight on my back, I had to lift my back in order to rotate (so uncomfortable). It's not the go karting places fault though; it's mine. I guess I got a little bit too competitive and on the last lap I crashed full force into a few of my friends. I hope that it's not a big deal and I will heal fast. I'm pretty sure it's going to bruise though.. it's still a bit red and tender to the touch :S

Would You Rather..

What is a lie? A lie to me is when someone does not tell me the truth when I ask for it. Is withholding information considered a lie? No, not really. This doesn't mean that you SHOULD withhold information but sometimes it's necessary in order to avoid hurt and unnecessary drama. I mean, if I don't like what you're wearing, I'm not going to say it blatantly to your face. However, if you asked me if I liked it, I'd have no other choice than to tell you the truth. If you like your outfit and are confident with it, then my opinion shouldn't matter. So thus, me withholding information is no big deal. Sometimes however, withholding information could do more harm than good. For example, if I saw a friends boyfriend out with some other girl and saw him do stuff (ie kissing) depending on the closeness level to my friend, I'd probably feel obliged to tell her (even though not asked). However, I think withholding this information is not considered a lie because in order for it to be a lie you would need to say something that is not the truth and if you say nothing at all, it can't possibly be a lie; right? Would you rather the truth that makes you cry or a lie that makes you smile?

Macarons and Silly Family Portraits

Why helllllo (:

Today was an eventful day. I first met up with my friends to watch "Bad Teacher" starring Cameron Diaz; the movie was o.k -- nothing more, nothing less. I felt as if it dragged on in some bits but there were funny moments. Afterwards, I met up with my sister and went to a cafe to eat..the name escapes me at the moment..anywho, I got the avocado, chicken, and cilantro (I believe) on corn bread, it looks small but it is SO filling! And after that, we hit up Nadege, a dessert place along Queen St W and I finally got my macarons ♥ Then, we ended up going to Tea Shop 168 and getting bbt haha we definitely pigged out today! We also hit up the Chinese bakery in Chinatown to get my mum some baked goods. Finally, we decided it was time to head to my brothers school for his graduation and hopped on the streetcar. While on the streetcar, I remembered that my sister had told me that they had built a Starbucks near our old house and I was SO upset! Why couldn't it have been there when we lived there?! Anywho, ended up getting an iced green tea there, snapped some pictures and off to the graduation we went. I wasn't able to take many pictures at the grad because I had brought the wrong lens. The lens I brought with me didn't do very well since I had to stand SUPER far away to get decent shots *Sigh* Oh well, better luck next time. We also took a few funny family portrait esque shots in the schoolyard *probably too embarrassing to post here* It was a very long and eventful day but I thoroughly enjoyed it! *smiles*

Crush

How many people have you liked?

If someone were ever to ask me this question, I don't think I'd be able to count all of them. You see, I've "liked" or had a crush on many many many MANY guys. Not to say that I would date every single one of them or want them to be my boyfriend; by "like" I mean, I had a crush on and just thought they were cute. Or if they weren't cute, something about them that was cute and drew me towards them. Chances are, if you are a boy, I've liked you at one point or another. Be it a second, minute, hour, day, month, or 6 years.

How many people have YOU liked?

Waste

The weekend was a dud. Nothing to report. I'm just excited for tomorrow! No work tomorrow for me because I took it off for my baby brothers graduation ♥ I also get to see my friends because we're watching "Bad Teacher"; hope it's good. I will let you know how it goes. (:

Better Off

My girls and I had a talk yesterday. It wasn't one full of laughs and jokes.. okay, maybe a bit. But on a serious note, my friend really needed help. She was confused at the fact that her ex had texted her and told her he still loved her and that it took breaking up to see what he was losing out on. As the saying goes, you don't know what you have til it's gone. I'm not one for second chances, but when it comes to love, I'd tell her to go for it. The thing is, this isn't the first time that it's happened. So, after hearing the full story, I decided that the best advice I could give was to tell her not to go for it. Sometimes you can love someone but it doesn't mean that they are the right person for you. Sometimes, you just need time apart to work on yourself, by yourself. Sometimes, you realize that the person you thought was the one for you was just a back up; a safety net. I'm not saying that it's the case for her, since I have no idea how their relationship is like.. but that's my own personal opinion. She says that they can't be friends, that he says it's "too hard". I don't believe it. If you really "loved" someone, no matter how hard being friends with them may be, it would be better than to lose them altogether. For this, I know from experience. I used to think that it was "too hard" to be friends with someone I loved but the truth was, it was harder not being friends. It was terrible not to be in their life, not to talk to them, not to know what was going on. So no matter how "hard" it may be, if he truly loved her, he would find a way to make it work. Sometimes, it's better to be alone and together than to be together and alone.

Fight for Love

How many times have you heard the saying "fight for love"? I've heard it one too many. I understand that when you love someone, you should fight for them but to what extent. What if they're not worth fighting for. Of course you're going to say love is always worth fighting for but.. is it really? Love, is such a strong word and I do not throw it around. I may say it to my friends but it's different than romantic love. I myself, have only been in love once. Did I fight for that love? Not really. There wasn't much fighting. We never fought. There wasn't an obstacle in our way that challenged our love. But is love worth fighting for? Sure, I guess, maybe. If both of you are fighting for it. It can't be a one way street where only one person is willing to make the effort. And even then, I think that love is only worth fighting for to a certain extent. When more pain comes from the fight than pleasure, it's time to stop. Love shouldn't be a game of who hurts more.

Wishing Won't Bring You Back

Well actually, it might. Have you ever drifted away from someone that you wish you didn't? I remember I used to be the best of friends with someone in high school and afterwards we just drifted a part. We used to be so close. We used to share laughs and inside jokes. We used to call each other weird names. I miss that. I wish that I could casually call her up and ask her to hang out but I can't. I'm the type of person that if you don't make an effort to keep in contact with me, I just don't. It's just who I am. I'm not the one to "keep in touch". If you want to remain close to me, you have to make the effort. I know that sounds ridiculous and I should put in some effort to stay in contact but I just don't. It's not that I don't want to.. it's just hard for me I guess. I feel like if the other person wants to talk to me, then they will message me up. I know I should do some of the initiating of contact, but I just don't. It could be because I don't want to be a nuisance and so I just don't initiate conversations. I hope that you will read this and realize that it's about you. I miss you. I miss hanging out. I miss your mom. (:

I'm Fine

If you asked me how I were today, I'd say I was fine
It's what I've always rehearsed to say, that one simple line
If you asked me what I did today, I'd say nothing much you?
You'd tell me about your day and probably hers too
You'd tell me how you missed her but couldn't let her know
You'd talk about the way her eyes sparkled and the way her hair would flow
You'd say her smile was the brightest of them all
and she was the perfect height, not too short or tall
You'd talk about her endlessly and I would just sit there and smile
You'd chatter on about her, while..
I thought about my day with you
and all the things that we would do
I'd wonder about me and you
but you would never have a clue
All of the feelings you wished from her
Were right there in front of you
But you were blinded with a blur
Unable to imagine anything with anyone else but her
So, I'll sit here and listen to you because I care
and when you're done pretending you're in love with her
Your chance with me might have gone and passed
So make your mind up, quick and fast
Now I can say, I'm fine at last.

Thank you.

I guess you could say I've been slipping back into old habits. I've been feeling more vulnerable lately and I hate that. I've been so stressed and sad that I've been abusing my bank account :( I'm glad my friends have been there to help me through it though. They've been giving me advice and just listening.. and sometimes you just need someone to listen. They've been really helpful, though not that supportive about my decision, (some of them at least). I'm still a bit on the fence, but more or less; I've decided. Even friends that I thought I'd never be able to talk to about this predicament have proved me wrong. I'm glad that they are still willing to give advice even after what we've been through. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, thank you to every one that has been helping me through this rough patch. Thank you for just lending me your ears; it really does help. I know I'm stubborn and often don't listen to what you think is best for me but please know, I really do appreciate you trying. Sometimes, I'm just hard to reason with. I hope that when you need someone to listen and give you advice, you'll ask for my help; I would jump at the chance. You truly all are a wonderful bunch and am SO SO grateful to have each and every one of you in my life. Thank you for caring <3

Dreams

When I was little, I used to have dreams that weren't that big of a deal. They were mostly about falling I believe. As I've aged, I've realized that my dreams have become more vivid. I now taste food in my dreams and are able to feel intense emotions. Today, I even woke up a bit shaken up, afraid to go back to sleep because fragments of the dream were still there. When I closed my eyes, I started to drift back into the dream and it was not a pleasant one that I'd WANT to drift back into. So here I sit, awake and writing this, afraid to go back to sleep.

The art of getting by

looks like a really good movie. I want to see it. It comes out tomorrow, Friday June 17. I wish someone would take me..

life

Last night, I found out that a friend of a friend of mine that I had met once about a month ago died. I remember seeing posts on my newsfeed that all read something similar; RIP, may you rest in peace, etc. I was confused, I had JUST met her. She was so very much alive then. I thought it was a cruel joke. So, I started searching. I typed into google various search words and after a few tries, there is was. 20 year old, dead, head-on collision. She had died in a car crash. Although, I had only met her once and not that well, I felt a moment of grief pass through me. Life, truly is a gift. Life, truly is precious. They say that the good die young and there is probably a bigger, better plan for her. Take the time to live and love. For you really don't know when you won't have that chance anymore. I wonder what the last few moments felt like; what flashed before her eyes. Rest in Peace.

100+ Random facts

This is a note that I wrote.. probably two years ago. Enjoy!

So I`m just going to type a whole bunch of random facts about me (:
haha just so I can look back and think to myself wow.. I`m such a retard
in the very near future (: feel free to stalk.

1. I`m an immigrant (glad to see we got this out of the way)
2. My favourite colour is green
3. I regularly question God but at the end of the day I believe in Him ♥
4. I fall for assholes (don`t all of us? :P)
5. I don`t fear death (I`m actually quite curious as to what`s next)
6. I trip going up the stairs
7. I have 5 piercings
8. I want a tattoo on the side of my waist going along my collar bone
9. I`m actually not that Asian
10. I`ve gone through many "phases"
11. I want DID to go blonde (hahaha)
12. I`m naturally pale
13. I have high blood pressure
14. I`ve never fainted
15. I`ve only vomited twice in my lifetime
16. I want wanted an industrial
17. I am blunt towards some of my close friends which sometimes comes off as "rude"
18. If I don`t like something and you ask me if I like it I`ll probably say I like it.. I lied.
19. I regret giving up on every instrument I've ever attempted
20. If I could, I would travel the world and take photographs
21. When I was younger, I was allergic to mango
22. I have a thing for snow ♥
23. My little brother is my fave ♥
24. Orchids = ♥
25. I've seen and wished on a shooting star
26. I believe in fate
27. When I`m bored I get dressed up and take pictures (:
28. I want a pomeranian when I grow up
29. I can`t wait to move out and decorate my own place
30. Apparently I sound like a bitch on the phone (call me and find out?)
31. J'adore francais et un jour, j'espere parler parfois
32. I keep receipts, packaging, boxes, bags. etc of everything I buy
33. I`m a packrat when it comes to my things but if I see something and it`s not mine, I`ll toss it
34. If I`m not sure about something I bought, I`ll wait til I can`t return/exchange it to wear it
35. I keep tags on things I buy until I wear them for the first time
36. I shop on impulse
37. If I go to the mall and come out empty handed I feel guilty (help?)
38. Chapsticks Lip balms/tints are my effing life
39. I have way too much lipstick
40. I love the rain
41. I`m scared of thunder and lightning
42. I have a scar that resembles a heart-ish
43. I`ve stayed in bed for 52 hours
44. I`m pretty sure my health is poor
45. I don`t wish at 11:11 anymore
46. I only like white chocolate
47. When I was younger, I was fatter.
48. I`m OCD when it comes to my nails
49. Lately I`ve become obsessed with dying my hair
50. I like Hello Kitty
51. Being 16 was bittersweet
52. I`ve only been in love once
53. I pray every day I try.. to pray every day
54. I like to keep a lot of things to myself
55. I once went vegetarian
56. When I was younger, I fell on my knees; scraped them so badly and couldn`t walk
57. In elementary, I remember getting so many nosebleeds and there was this one time I left a trail of blood.
58. I`m not a fan of blood
59. I don`t have enough blood in me to give
60. I`d choose cheesecake over any other cake
61. I`ve never been to a wedding I went to my first wedding on July 3 2010!
62. I`m selfish
63. I`m stubborn
64. I have the twilight box set and don`t plan on opening it (:
65. Postsecret ♥
66. I am a hopeless romantic
67. I`ve driven a car
68. I still don`t have my G1 Got it last last summer! July 2009 (:
69. I give off the "vibe"
70. I`ve had so many pets I don`t remember any of their names
71. I tend to space out
72. I can`t look at people for an extensive amount of time; either ADD kicks in or it gets awkward
73. I wish I could fly
74. Sometimes, I have dyslexia
75. My friends basically make me ..me (:
76. There are a few I`d take a bullet for, anyday. ♥
77. I like the chase
78. I think gold is tacky.. platinum=♥
79. I`m on the A-list
80. I eat A LOT
81. I`m shy
82. I can`t stand the smell of smoke
83. I`m a hypocrite
84. I used to have an obsession with dragonflies
85. Comme Jear, Je deteste "fakes" aussi
86. I keep a diary I used to keep a diary
87. I`m afraid of wind
88. I can`t walk over those grate things, I`d rather walk all the way around (or hop over them)
89. I sometimes over-analyze things
90. Grammar means a lot to me...and spelling
91. I want to fast forward time just to see if I`ll be okay
92. I`ve had a crush on this boy for 6 years and counting
93. I can`t think of any actor I consider "hot"
94. I want to travel the world
95. I have a memory box
96. I hate coffee but love starbucks ♥
97. My closet is colour coded It's seasons coded
98. I can solve a rubix cube
99. I write poems
100. I clean my room when I`m bored (sometimes)
101. Sky blue makes me look tanner
102. I love stickers
103. I`m a bit superstitious
104. I`m terrified of heights
105. I wish I were mixed with something
106. I can`t swim
107. I prefer OPI over China Glaze but Essie over OPI
108. Surprisingly, I`m quite competitive
109. I`m super lazy
110. I procrastinate a lot
111. I tend to dwell on the past
112. I`m bitter
113. I believe there`s someone out there for everyone
114. Everything that`s ever happened in my life can be summed in my iPod ♥
115. I can`t leave the house without showering or at LEAST washing my hair, ever.
116. I pretty much hate every holiday out there..except new years (:
117. I want to move to France
118. I want a British accent
119. I want to be happy, like genuinely happy, to the point where I`m hated because of my happiness
120. I love when it`s foggy, when the top of the CN tower is unseen and it feels as if I`ll be engulfed in it
121. Sunsets ♥
122. I could stare at the rain for hours on end
123. I hope to make a difference, someday
124. I get bored easily and do things like.. dye my hair (:
125. I think I have a fetish with washing my hands
126. I flip my hair.. A LOT (:
127. It's hard for me to forgive but forgetting is easy.
128. I like sand and collect sand from different places
129. I like to collect postcards

hmm.. not that much has changed..
TBC..

Home

Home is where your heart is. Mine happens to be downtown Toronto! I Headed downtown today to see my bfflllllll. We watched XMEN (super awesome movie, highly recommended), walked around, ate at my fave restaurant (Hosu on Queen), visited my sister at work to give her leftovers and then parted ways. I missed her very much and it seems like I don't get to see her as often anymore. Probably due to the distance.. and also work I suppose. It's always nice to just hang out and talk. Hopefully, I get to see her again next week. She wants to get another tattoo and she said she might bring me along.. since I haven't been at her other ones. I'll be sure to bring my camera along to take some pictures (:

Oh, Almost forgot. I also ended up going to Starbucks on the way home. I was thinking of getting a soy vanilla rooibos latte but when I got there, there was a cute boy at the cash.. and I didn't want to butcher the name since I really don't know how you would pronounce "rooibos" So, instead I got my usual, a soy green tea latte XD I know.. lame right? Maybe next time.. Any one know how to pronounce it? Roo-ee-bows? :S I really don't know..

Les yeux

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. That must be why when you catch someone's eye, you instinctively want to look away. Think of how many people there are in the world. Think of how many you've locked eyes with. Was it magical? Awkward? Plain? What if finding your soulmate just required you to look the guy/girl in question in the eye and you could see right away? There wouldn't be break-ups and heartaches. There wouldn't be the need to go through every asshole. You would just know. Would everyone then become obsessed with the idea that they look EVERY one in the eye, just to see if they found them? Would we become a world with no romanticism? What if finding our soulmates was just that easy? Yet, not so easy.. what if your soulmate is halfway around the world? What if we spend our whole lives looking for "the one" that we miss out on other opportunities? What would happen to dating? Why would there be a need to date if you knew that it would lead no where? Is there even such a thing as "soulmates"? What if we, our whole lives have been victim to this illusory idea? What if there is more than one person that could fulfill this "soulmate" role? Why are some people so fortunate as to discover it so young.. get others might not even get the chance in this lifetime? Must be the works of fate. I won't give up though, I know TRUE love does exist. I've seen it. I've felt it. I don't care how many frogs I have to kiss til I find my prince. There is someone for every one. Love and let love. (:

Three days

They say that it takes three days for your world to turn upside down. Then three days to bring it back right-side up. Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or is it more "out of sight, out of mind?"

COSTCO!

Yes, you guessed it! This post is going to be about COSTCO! (: Today, I finally got to go to Costco with my friends and their mom! hehe. As soon as I got there I was so overwhelmed with the amount of things. Boxes stacked on top of boxes, stacked on top of shelves, spread across various aisles! It was just so O_O. I brought my camera along to snap some pictures but right when I got there and took out my cam.. it malfunctioned! I have no idea what happened but all of a sudden it said my card could not be read.. So, I ended up buying two new SD cards to see if it would fix the problem and it did (thankfully). BUT, as luck would have it, right when I had popped in my new card and took a couple shots, one of the workers told me I wasn't allowed to take pictures. WHAAAT?! I just spent 30$ on a new SD and you're telling me I can't take pictures?! I felt so defeated :( Luckily, I'm a rebel and like to test the waters, so I managed to sneak a few pics here and there. Sadly, they aren't anything great.. :( Probably would have been better off with my point and shoot.. at least that would have been a little more discreet. After shopping, I got to try the infamous Costco fries.. they weren't as great as I thought they'd be.. *disappointed* BUT I did also get ice cream so that made up for it! (: Anyways, I'm going to post some pics now and wait for my sister to come home so we can head to Pmall. Blog later!

I hate when..

I hate when I don't know how someone feels about me. I wish there was like a sign above their head that could tell me if they were interested or not. That would make life so much easier.. OR MAYBE if I had the ability to read minds haha (too invasive?) So yes, I've been seeing this guy.. we've been hanging out I guess and I don't know how he feels. I know what you're thinking, why not just ASK him.. well you see, I'm a girl and like most girls, the subject of asking a guy you like if he likes you is a jfdkslajfklajfa (hard, frustrating, embarrassing, difficult) one. Every one fears rejection, it's natural, so making the first move is just too hard. Plus, sometimes it's better to leave things as they are rather than to cause a splash in the water. I wish I was strong enough to ask him but I'm not LOL Plus, I kind of like where we are now and wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship by asking him that question, it might make things awkward.. I know for sure that if I didn't like someone and they asked me if I liked them and I said no that their views of me would change and it would make things awkward so I'm just assuming that's what would happen. But still, there is that part of me that's itching to know if there is something there and if there is room to grow beyond just a friendship. Maybe he's still figuring things out. Maybe he's oblivious? I don't know, but I would like to.

rosaalyn's photostream

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