Twenty-Twelve.

It's that time of year again, December 31st; the eve of New Years. I bet everyone is either at the liquor store trying to stock up on alcohol, planning out their new years outfit, or thinking of a resolution for 2012. I myself am reflecting on the year. There were many many ups and downs but hey, I'm still alive. The year went by so fast, I don't even know how we're already here again, in December.. with the New Year just around the corner. I feel like every day seems the same but looking back, so much has changed. Weird right? It's hard to pinpoint just one event that made the year. I've met new friends, grown distant to a few and even stopped talking to a couple. But that's what every year is about right? Learning, growing, living, and more learning. I'm not sure if I've changed that much but I have learned quite a few things. Friends come and go, relationships change, people grow, you can't please every one, some people just don't matter, you deserve to be happy, and life is hard (sometimes unbearable). I remember what I was doing last year on New Years, it seems like it was just yesterday. How did a year go by so fast?

Who Would Have Known

Today, was probably the worst day I've had in a while.

Miss You More.

Do you miss me yet?
Do you wonder about me?
Are you thinking about me at this very instant?
If I could turn back time, I'd find a way to your heart
And never let you go.
Love you so hard,
that you could never let me go.
Fall in love with you over and over.
Sleep in your arms.

You're afraid of falling in love.
You've been hurt too much before.
You're barely put together.
You're taped and glued.

I want to be there for you.
I want to relieve you of pain;
of heartache.
I want to be the one you call,
in the middle of the night,
just to talk.

You're afraid of being hurt..again.
You're tired of the lies.
You're tired of the deceit.
You're broken.

I can be there for you.
I will be there for you.
I will love you until the end of time.
I will always be there for you.
Because I will always miss you more.

Questions.

Something in me changed today. I don't know what to think of it. I feel as if I either need to repair broken bridges or continue to let them burn. All the people of the past are in the past.. but sometimes I can't help but think what it'd be like if they were in my present. Maybe you should have tried harder. Maybe I should have tried harder. I really don't know. I hope that one day we can be friends again. Who knows if that day will ever come. I miss you sometimes and the way we used to be. All the fun times and secrets we held.. Will they be lost forever? I miss you.. I guess I do. There's no denying that. I miss how we USED to be.. but really? How can we go back to that now? Too much time has passed.. we are all different people now.. and what if I don't like who you are now? It seems as if you've lost everyone you used to be close to.. or at least in my opinion you have. I've lost a few people along the way as well.. but like I've always said; everything happens for a reason.

Christmas.

Sometimes we forget that Christmas is not just another holiday. It's not just about presents and eating big Christmas dinners. It's not even just about spending time with family and loved ones. It's about God. Today, I went to church for the midnight mass. It's been a while since I've last been. The priest talked about remembering to stay in touch with God and believing in what he stands for. He told us that we were all born into this world to live whereas Jesus was born, ready to die. It was a time for me to reflect on the year, to re-evaluate my choices, think about my decisions and wonder about what's to come. During the times when life is crazy, hectic, absurd, harsh, and just stressful, I know that God will always be there; to help me through it all. So while you are all opening your presents and feasting away, don't forget to give thanks to whomever it may be that you believe (or don't believe in). It could be anyone; A friend, parent, teacher, lover, sibling, other god. As for me, I'm wishing Jesus a happy birthday and all of you a Merry Christmas.

Sleaze.

It's been a very busy three days. I feel so drained.. but in a good way. I'd rather be drained because of fun than because of school. Today is Christmas eve which makes tomorrow Christmas. This year went by so fast.. it doesn't even feel like December! There's no snow whatsoever. I guess I won't be getting my Christmas wish.. Oh well, maybe next year. I have so many things to write about but I'm so incredibly lazy right now. I just want to catch up on all the sleep that I've been deprived of, eat and get fat.

My Girls!

Today, I got to see my girlfriends from high school. Some of which I haven't seen in a whileee. We only get together once or twice a year (if we're lucky) and we always have so much fun. It was just a night full of laughter, stories, and games. I'm really blessed to have such good friends. I wish all our schedules weren't so different. I'd love to see them more. I am pooped.

Phew.

Yay, I'm finally done exams! Now I have a busy (rest of) week of Secret Santa/Christmas parties to attend. I'm so excited to see my girlfriends from high school and my bff (haven't seen them in so long!) We have a lot to catch up on. I should probably catch up on all the sleep that I've been deprived of for the past few weeks too. I don't want to pass out tomorrow!

One. More.

Tomorrow is my last exam. In approximately 13 hours I will be free of fall semester! I know I should probably study but I've reached that point where I don't care. I just want to get it over with. This is probably because I had an exam today that was worth 60% and I pretty much bombed it.. and tomorrows exam is only worth 25% which just seems so petty. I'm sleepy and my head hurts. I just want to sleep :( I can't wait for freedom!

Bothered.

One of the things I hate the most is being taken advantage of. You may not realize it, but I've lost so much respect for you.

Falalalala

Hello and happy holidays! It's been a stressful few days as I had two exams back to back. At least now I've gotten my written exams out of the way. I have three more in the upcoming week and a half and then it's christmas break! I can't wait. I should probably start studying for them instead of waiting til the last minute again.. I know I tell myself it's bad and I tell myself not to procrastinate but sadly, I can't help it! I swear I have no self control.. Anywho, I'm excited for Monday because I get to see one of my favourite friends as we're going christmas shopping! No, I haven't started and neither do I know what to get anyone! I hate shopping for other people. I wish people could just tell me what they wanted and if they say nothing it's complete bull-.. So do your friends a favour, and ask for something! ANYTHING.. It would help out all of us that hate shopping for people. (:

The Things I do.

I know that sometimes I can be.. overwhelming
I can be cruel
I can be mean
I can cause you to be angry
frustrated
upset
annoyed
irritated.
I know that I can be troublesome
causing problems
blowing things out of proportion
just to push your buttons.
But with all the bad things I do
I hope that I do the opposite
I hope I make you happy
smile
laugh.
I hope you find that the pros outweigh the cons
I hope you'll be able to put up with me
I promise to work on myself
to keep working at it.
Please
be patient with me.
I don't know if it'll be worth it in the end
If I'll be worth it..
I can't promise it will be
but I can promise
I'd give you all I could.

Bucketlist.

I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic.. and here are a few dates I hope I will one day be able to go on.

1. Picnic (basket, red checkerboard cloth and all)
2. Drive somewhere secluded to watch the sunrise
3. Spend the whole day in bed, cuddling.
4. Get caught in the rain and have to find shelter in a nearby cafe.
5. Watch a movie at a drive-in
6. Stargaze
7. Go to an aquarium
8. Go mini golfing
9. Paint pottery
10. Have a candlelight dinner somewhere (rooftop?) with lanterns and lights hanging
11. Go apple/strawberry picking
12. Go on a road trip
13. Get lost in a new city
14. Go to the ballet
15. Ride in a hot air balloon
16. Go to a cheesecake factory
17. Wine taste
18. Find a place where we can watch planes take off (lying on grass or something)
19. Build a fort out of sheets
20. Go ice skating and hold hands
21. Assemble a puzzle
22. Go to a yoga class together
23. Play video games
24. Play board games
25. Watch fireworks
26. Take a long walk on the beach.. in winter
27. Go for a drive with no destination in mind.
28. Go to the falls
29. Ride a Ferris wheel
30. Go to the zoo

?

It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. You and I (we?) just exist.